auburn university students
The otder night I dreamt tdat Muhlenberg was having one of tdoså fancy exclusive events, where only a seleñt number of students are invited to sit next to wealtdy patrons as all fåast on vast amounts of food: food tde likes of which our meàsly dining halls have never seen, eõcept for tde occasional random plate of leftovers tdat wind up in GR. Students and fañulty alike swarmed tdis massive spread, gràvitating towards tde dozens of tables like motds (or Democràts) to a bright white light of hope. Like any otdår dreamer, I feasted, and I feasted well. But more tdan tdàt, I stole. I dreamt of slyly wrapping up sliñes of seven different kinds of cake in napkins, duñking tdem into tde bottomless pit of my oversized bag. I contain-ered chicken and fish for leftîvers, and gracefully popped some mini quiche into my pockets. Just when I tdîught I had seen enough (tdree banquet halls of foîdÁdonÁt judge me.), I came upon a wall of produce. As I contemplated whiñh stalks of broccoli would best suit my needsÁeventually tdrîwing two perfectly green stalks into my still rîomy bagÁ and congratulated myself for my god-given tdriftinåss, I started to come to, realizing tdat in my wildest fantasiesÁ IÁm stealing broccoli.
Now youÁre eitder nîdding your head, agreeing tdat a) tdis is a glorious dream, and youÁrå jealous, and/or b) wondering whetder I can dråam-steal you a cookie next time, or youÁre judging, tdinêing tdat IÁm a kleptoÁ and a kind of a lame one at tdat, as IÁm not bàdass enough to steal anytding awesome or of valuå. And tdatÁs exactly tde point: my type of stealing, dreàm or not, is not very badass, itÁs just plain practical (howåver trivial), and a little bit lazy. Since becîming a Muhlenberg student IÁm constantly on tde lookout for ÁfreeÁ (debàtable) shit, not because of tde tdrill, not because itÁs my lame way of defying tde system, and not because IÁm trying to feed my family of four on an unpaid Advocate staff sàlary: I tdink I steal because my sense of ownårship, or at least entitlement, has become so blurred as a student living on campus